We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
