how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
