I wish they made helmets for livers.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
