he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
