Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
