When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's never too late to be topless.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
