"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
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Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
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Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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