I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
