My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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