i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
