He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
