o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
