She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
