the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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