This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
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i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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