a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize