I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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