You just made me feel so damn special
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
