So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
