I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
