One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
