what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
