Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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