About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
