just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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