I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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