Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
