And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
