tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
