Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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