can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
