We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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