All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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