PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
