well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
