Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
