i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
