It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
