If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
