tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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