Do you still have your period?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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