Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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