I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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