Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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