my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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