clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
