He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
