god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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