She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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