Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
