Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Randomize
