Your dad touched me again.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
