I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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