Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
