my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
