Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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