they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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