I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
