Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
