She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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