If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
