I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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