what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
