I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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