Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
