hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
