a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
