You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Edward fifth and chaser hands
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize