Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
