It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
