Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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