distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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