I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize