So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
