I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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