Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize