I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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