420 ftw
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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