So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
