I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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